| "Police say a 21-year-old jockey allegedly masturbated on the deck of a second-floor apartment in Bensalem, Pa., broke in when a woman called 911, attacked two people in another apartment, and got shot in the chest. Philly.com has the details of Angel Suarez's Sunday night, which started with Suarez allegedly climbing onto the deck of a second-floor apartment and jacking off. When a woman inside the apartment called for help and ran away, Suarez smashed her glass door."
Which jerk off story is more ridiculous: Kellen Winslow "I'm a soldier, I'm a soldier" or Angel Suarez on the second floor apartment deck?
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